So i've graduated... now what

now comes this almost orgasmic feeling of pious indifference, if such an animal does indeed exist. i want to do something good. something right. something "for the people... my people." but sometimes, i don't think my people want to be helped. truly.
see, i started a tutoring service, because i felt it was my burden to come back and make something out of my degree since grad school was evading me (or i it, whatever pleases you, dear reader), and i found myself in a most angered state because, even though i'm charging them merely rice kernels (peanuts would be an overstatement) to have one on one tutoring given to their children, i still get complaints about the price (30 dollars a week) and the time (four days a week, after school). What they don't understand, and what i guess i didn't understand until a couple days ago, was that i don't have to do this. i don't owe this place anything. i just took it upon myself, being militant, black, industrious and having an afro... to give back to my mostly unemployed, overwhelmingly illiterate community. unfortunately, they did the same thing they've always done to me, put their snotty noses in the air, and gave me their asses to kiss. fortunately, i have a business partner who will not just let me up and quit the whole deal, which may be a good thing, as far as these kids are concerned. unfortunately for them all though, i'm in talks with a publishing company (yes again) to get a manuscript looked at and hopefully published. and then i will do what all college educated, intelligent, artistic and wholly "different" individuals from small towns do when said towns basically reject the beauty they've created... i will sit in my apartment, drinking tea and smoking cigarettes. i will go off to graduate school and become a scholar like none before (yeah right), i will have a prolific writing career, i will paint and write and party and speak and get paid to do it all... i will vacation and live wherever i choose at someone else's expense and no matter what, i will never go home again.

Bush and Black Funerals

Lpwery defends himself

Angry Black Guy Takes on...

a letter to the miseducated
i have encountered so many different people while working at my current occupation and just from being able to live. it's weird to see how others view me- you think that i'm a certain kind of way because of the way that i dress; but this is a part of my culture, part of the way i grew up. it's all that i know and i am proud of every part of it. you people are surprised to witness my use of correct language and "oh how amazing it is!" that i can make my subjects and verbs agree because that it's just unheard of!- right? my pants are so comfortable to me; and that's why i wear them the way that i do. i don't want my shirt to feel like a bra; and that's why it is an XL instead of a L. not to mention, i think i'm kind of fly. and if you don't know what i mean by fly, then i'll put it in terms that you could better understand. synonyms include: charming, refined, sophisticated, stylish, tasteful, handsome, graceful- do you get where i'm going now?

but i have no intentions of explaining myself to those who do not hunger to learn more about my character and personality or that of people who are mirror images of myself. if my appearance threatens you or causes you to feel uneasy, then i suggest that you turn the other way or possibly close your eyes and pray that i disappear before you open them again. sure, there are others who look like me who do some things that i don't even approve of; however, there are others like you who do even more things that i blatantly disapprove of, but nobody has stopped them from running the country or making inappropriate decisions that cause our economy to fall into the deepest craters know to man.

no, i won't rob you so don't lock your car door when i walk past your vehicle; and i'm not going to steal your purse so you can let it swing if that pleases you. imagine how that must feel to an ignorant person, the mirror image of yourself, knowing that another individual feels threatened just by their presence. feels like a sense of power and domination if you ask me. i, however, am an educated individual, so i smile at your ignorance. you see, you have just shown me that you feel threatened by me; and you think that i sell drugs because i drive a lexus and you can hear my radio from around the corner. i can only laugh. you are so miseducated! but i don't expect you to understand me. i'm a complicated person but in your eyes i am so shallow- the edge of the ocean that you just put you feet in to get them wet. you are so incorrect. the depths of this human mind grow each and every day. educated...educating...on the rise.

it's not that i don't like you. i smile at you. i'm just proud of me, proud to be where i am and have the ability the imagine what you are imagining about me. regardless of what you think or believe, i still love me. always have, always will. educate yourself. make a change.

peace and love
gkg
posted by Greg at 10:48 PM

Greg Takes on...Sister to Sister Magazine

call and response
I received this in an email that a friend sent to me. A white woman who is engaged to a black man wanted to voice her opinion and she asked for comments from black men to answer her questions. This is a copy of the article from Sister to Sister magazine. I thought it was really interesting. Let me know what you think.

White Woman's Opinion of Black Women

Dear Jamie:
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship.

My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes.

I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them.

Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones,
James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley
Snipes...

I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little
angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.

Signed,
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA


RESPONSE

Dear Jamie:
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently
purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy.

The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without
too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive
nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control.

I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white
women.

Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a
few.

I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.
Read your history!

It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery.

It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them.

Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more
voluptuous?

I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has. BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a
Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children.

Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.
Signed,
Black Royalty

chasing the light 2

she put me out of class yestderday
and i'm not surprised
if i were her, i'd do it too
but i cannot understand how
she felt it necessary
to silence me
degrade me
insult me
in front of my men
black men
but then again
they can't see her for my light
illuminating her inferiority
casting shadow on her intellect
so i had to be destroyed
but i'm teflon
stainless steel reinforced
so of course i'm going back
to make my presence known
intellectual
demanding to be respected
demanding to be taught
demanding that my culture be acknowledged
demanding that my hustle not be in vain.
i have to be so demanding because
life is so demanding of me.
i will be who i are unapologetically
who will you be?

How "Chasing the Light" Came to be...

so anybody that knows me knows that FVSU wasn't my first choice. in all actuality, i was hell bent on not coming to fort valley at all, simply because it was a tradition in my family to come here and get your bachelor's. i'm not really one for tradition or family. but i'm here, and i've been here for a minute, so my disdain is not as bad as it initially was. but i don't really buy into having school spirit. i'm also not one for patriotism or anything like that. i consider that brainwashing at it's absolute worst. that and organized religion. why become a zealot for something that can be disproved or overtaken or destroyed. and i know people say that it's a personal thing, that GOD lives in them or through them or whatever and that the united states wouldn't be what it is if people hadn't loved it and all that shit but my point is, i don't agree.
so anyway, today is the second day of the homecoming festivities, usually the sunday before is when the students are invited to the episcopal church across the street to celebrate because that church served a purpose during the founding of the university. that i have no problem with, whatever's clever. this morning, i went to class to prove a point to myself. i asked my professor if he was going to kickoff at noon and he said that because he didn't like football, he wouldn't be in attendance. i told him that kickoff had little to do with football, it had more to do with the university coming together to officially commence the homecoming festivities. it's a chance for everybody to get together, laugh and have a pretty decent time without the hassle of the outside community. it's like a family meeting before the reunion. he complained that it cancelled classes and that it should be held after classes like most pep rallies are. first of all, it's not a pep rally. not in the traditional sense. and secondly, the football team, band and cheerleaders have practice in the evenings, so why impede on their practice when we could hold classes off so that everyone could attend if they wanted to. then he had a flashback to his high school days and we got a long lecture about how he couldn't really play football and blah, blah, blah. and then he talked about how he hates that graduations have so many prayers in them and that it violates his constitutional rights to have to sit through them (attendance at commencement is mandatory for faculty members) but he'd rather not say anything for whatever reason.

my point was that if he was anywhere else, he'd make a conscious effort to attend the homecoming festivities because he wanted to. i think there's a definite disrepect and lack of understanding going on amongst some of our faculty members that are not of color. and i'm not saying they're racist cause i've already said that. what i'm saying is, that if i were teaching somewhere else, i'd try to understand the culture that i was surrounded by, not dismiss something that's important to them simply because i don't think it's important or i choose to believe differently. but then again, that speaks to the double life that Carter G. Woodson talks about in The Miseducation of the Negro. we're expected to want to attend their festivities and ours and not feel slighted by any of their customs or traditions, but it's their choice. if you don't wanna be here, and participate to try to understand, then well... and if you think i'm so fucking dumb because i'm black... if all you know is that you don't believe in GOD and that literature is all there is in the world... maybe you should leave.

damnit. now i have a headache...

Chasing the Light

Chasing the Light: An Extended Answer to the question:"Why Fort Valley State University?"
By: Nikki Byrom

Fort Valley State University wasn’t my first choice. Tulane University was. I was going to relocate to the middle of Louisiana, soaking up the culture, the atmosphere, the knowledge, and become a “great somebody” with a degree from a school other than the one that almost everyone in my family had attended. But alas, I was shipped off to Fort Valley State University to do my undergraduate time. I rebelled. All of my friends were going to Albany State or Valdosta or the University of Georgia, and I was being “stuck” in Fort Valley, thirty five minutes away from my hometown. Great!

I can definitely say that for at least 3 semesters, I was in the university family but not of the university family. I complained about little things, like having to walk from Davison Hall to the Computer Technology & Mathematics building for my 8 A.M. Pre-Calculus class, or the food in the cafeteria. I was so caught up in not wanting to be here that I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to actually take in what I was experiencing. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of fun and found ways to enjoy myself. My older friends (who were also FVSU alumni) would come and pick me up and show me around campus or scream at me during the football games. I was in the band, but I had no school spirit. I had band spirit. I wore the symbols, the tee shirts, the lanyards, the hats, but I was quick to say “My family made me come here. It’s tradition.” Thinking back on it now makes my brow furrow because of my ignorance. I realize I was like the people in Plato's Allegory of the Cave. I was being a real brat about the whole thing! I couldn't understand that what I was seeing was not the reality of Fort Valley State University. What I saw were just shadows of my experience.
I held on to this ignorance for three entire semesters and felt that I would be this way forever, that I would never love FVSU like my family and friends did. And that indeed was the case until the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year. I was friends with a girl that attended the University of Georgia and was about to graduate. While home one weekend, she gave me a call just to see how things were going. So I told her about all the things that were wrong with Fort Valley and how I still kind of wanted to be somewhere else. She then said, “See, that’s why I couldn’t have gone to a black school. And especially not Fort Valley.”

WHOA! Wait a minute. What’s wrong with black schools? I attend a black school. And I’m smarter than you. And most of the people in my classes are smarter than you. So what exactly are you trying to say? I couldn’t continue the conversation because I was so dumbfounded. More than dumbfounded, I was swimming in a sea of emotions. How could she say that about my school? That’s when it hit me, I had become a Wildcat.

Fort Valley State University is an 1895 land grant institution in the University System of Georgia. It is the second largest public university (acreage) in the state of Georgia and boasts a student population representing 130 of the 159 counties in Georgia, over 30 states and, 10 countries. The school started as a High and Industrial school and later combined with the State Teachers and Agricultural College of Forsyth to become Fort Valley State College in 1939. In 1996, the institution became Fort Valley State University. In his book Light in the Valley: A Pictorial History of Fort Valley State College since 1895, writer and historian Donnie D. Bellamy chronicles the university’s rise from the basement of a church to the campus we now know and love. Looking through its pages, I’ve gained a greater respect for this university and now feel honored to walk its halls. It’s about more than just buildings and their varied forms of architecture. No, we don’t have the columns and gargoyles that Ivy League schools boast, but for the most part, the older buildings on our campus were raised from the ground through the blood, sweat, and tears of the students, faculty, and community members. They were bound and driven by a desire to see the black children of the area in an environment that nurtured their aptitude and prepared them for a life greater than the one that was expected of them. Therein lies our prestige, our r'aison d'être. The opportunity to attend Brown or Harvard did not exist for students like my grandmother, who came from a small rural area. Their choices were limited to Fort Valley State, Albany State, or other Historically Black Colleges or Universities. We created our own opportunity. Out of this quiet, unassuming place the greatest minds are molded and cultivated through tests, trials and triumphs and seek to illuminate the world and change the state of Black America and the entire world. And with us comes the attitude: You don't have to give me anything; I'll make my own way.

There is something to be said about the experience one has as a student at a Historically Black College or University. There’s unquestionably a greater sense of camaraderie and community than at other schools. I asked a few of my alumni friends to share with me the highlights of their years here. What I basically got was an hour or so of memories, history and achievement. I was told that there were no words to describe the experience. And these friends had gone on to attend other schools in their post graduate studies, but always felt that Fort Valley was home. Homecoming is huge at most schools, but at an HBCU, it’s more like a family reunion. People come in from everywhere with their best to show each other and the world around them that Fort Valley State is the place to be. During the 2005 Homecoming festivities, I was in class having a discussion with one of my professors about traditions here at FVSU. Here’s an excerpt from a blog entry that I wrote about the conversation: (lower case letters are intentional)
…this morning, i went to class to prove a point to myself. i asked my professor if he was going to kickoff at noon and he said that because he didn't like football, he wouldn't be in attendance. i told him that kickoff had little to do with football, it had more to do with the university coming together to officially begin the homecoming festivities. it's a chance for everybody to get together, laugh and have a pretty decent time. it's like a family meeting before the reunion. he complained that it cancelled classes and that it should be held after classes like most pep rallies are. first of all, it's not a pep rally. not in the traditional sense. and secondly, the football team, band and cheerleaders have practice in the evenings, so why delay their practice when we could hold classes off so that everyone could attend if they wanted to. then he had a flashback to his high school days and we got a long lecture about how he couldn't really play football and blah, blah, blah. and then he talked about how he hates that graduations here have so many prayers in them and that it violates his constitutional rights to have to sit through them (attendance at commencement is mandatory for faculty members) but he'd rather not say anything for whatever reason.

my point was that if he were anywhere else, he'd make a conscious effort to attend the homecoming festivities because he wanted to. i think there's a definite disrespect and lack of understanding going on amongst some of our faculty members that are not of color. and i'm not saying they're bigots cause i've already said that elsewhere. what i'm saying is, if i were teaching somewhere else, i'd try to understand the culture i was surrounded by, not dismiss something that's important to that group simply because i don't think it's important or i choose to believe differently. but then again, that speaks to the duality of life that Carter G. Woodson talks about in The Miseducation of the Negro. we're expected to want to attend their festivities in addition to ours and not feel slighted by any of their customs or traditions, but it's their choice whether or not our customs and traditions “make sense”. if you don't want to be here, to participate to try to understand, then well... uhm...uh... if the totality of your experience on this campus is to further your research to beef up your vita, pick up the paycheck you complain about every month, scoff at our traditions and customs, spew your bigotry laden "lectures" to these poor, ignorant, black kids who probably won't graduate anyway... if you don't think it's important to stop once a year to pay homage to the people who built this school and pray for it's prosperity... maybe you should just leave.

So yeah… I was a little angry. But Wildcats, it’s important that we stand up for this university. In every way. Not just because we’re black students at an HBCU. We’re saying it because 111 years ago, some concerned citizens got together and said “Our children need to learn.” Who are we to tolerate someone standing on this hallowed ground making a mockery of everything our founders worked hard to build and that our presidents, professors, and financial backers strived to maintain? We have customs and traditions that mean something. I've heard our customs referred to as "quaint" and "aw isn't that cute" descriptions. But it's not cute. It's symbolic. It means something greater than anyone on the outside looking in can understand. When I graduate, I want to turn around and shake the hand of the graduate behind me. I want to congratulate all on a job well done.
"Congratulations such and such, you have completed a degree program designed to make you a competitor in a world hell bent on destroying you. You have made a concerted effort to exact change in your life and in the lives of those around you. You have embarked on a journey that will lead you to great reward if you choose to use the tools given to you by your professors. You beat the odds and silenced any nay sayers that prophesied that you would be nothing. You are a college graduate. You have seen the light."

I am chasing the light. I am chasing the dream of every person whose name is called on Founders’ Day. I’ve made my share of mistakes here, but who hasn’t? All made me a better woman, student, scholar; person. I am chasing degrees in the discipline of English Language Studies and Literature like there is no tomorrow because, for all practical purposes, there is no tomorrow. Being a student at this university has given me a greater sense of self, and I can honestly say that I am trying my best to come back here to teach in the Horace Mann Bond Building when I receive my Doctorate. Opportunity knocked and then ran as soon it heard me coming to answer the door. I’ve been chasing the light ever since.